Rise Again
Man’s Search for Meaning, the lauded book by Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl, contains many quotable passages. I keep the book close-by at all times, and re-read this one which I hold dear — “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
I’ve been easing into a new level of peace that’s come about. I don’t know what happened or how it occurred. I became aware of the fact that my life had become easy. It shouldn’t be this way. Not after the last 18 months. The insanity, institutions, police, guns, suicide, depression, and enough drugs and booze to almost end it. Again. I had gone back to the circus expecting not to put on the clown paint.
I’m on my 5th startup. Shouldn’t things be off the hook crazy? According to a recent doctor visit, my blood pressure was at a 20-year low. 98 over 68. WTF. Another tech venture, developing an idea into a company, creating a new market and model, and now having paying customers. But I sleep like a baby. I’m not stressed out. I take naps during the week. I am more confident in this company than any of the others.
How did this occur? Why am I at peace? I have found a solution. Maybe THE solution, for me, at least. I go to bed around 9 and wake around 5. I read for an hour per night. I get on my knees every morning and say thanks for the ridiculous grace and blessings. It’s a miracle. I read. I go to the gym around 6:15. And, I eat a salad with eggs for breakfast.
That’s my routine. The first 3 hours of my day are beautiful. And they are so important to me. That’s my time. Mine. All mine. It’s quiet and it’s meaningful to me. That time sets my pace. Is that why I’m at peace? I can’t put my finger on it but that morning routine is part of my zen.
What I know is that I have received grace. I haven’t gotten what I deserve. That’s grace. Getting what I deserve would be hell and, although I’ve had my share of emotional hell, I now know that hell isn’t relevant. My version of hell would be a walk in the park for many. A walk in the park. A dream. First world problems. My friend Herman R. says, “I have good days and I have days. But I don’t have any bad days”. He’s a very wise man and you’d be blessed to meet him.
Peace comes through experiences. To some degree, the harder the experience, the trauma if you will, the better the opportunity to grow. Three co-founders from a previous businesses have committed suicide. A group of men abducted me, beat me and likely perpetrated other untold mysteries. Those are traumas. But I met an American hero last week who endured 3rd degree burns over 1/3rd of his body. Years of rehab. That’s real trauma. Trauma I can’t relate to. And he can’t relate to mine. But that is irrelevant.
Our own experiences and traumas are what shape our life. Sharing our experiences are what allows us to grow. Find the power of emotional honesty. But it’s so hard. I also believe in striving to “not want”. My goal is peace through acceptance of the current situation. No envy, no jealousy, no anger. That’s hard as shit. But, for me, sitting on a cloud of gratefulness provides me with a chance to not want. I pray to not want. I don’t want to want a new car. I don’t want to want a larger house. I don’t want to see others fail. I don’t want to feel anger or selfish emotions. What an impossible goal to achieve.
I am shaped by my experiences. I am a sum of my experiences. I am a canvas in which the paint is never dried. Finding meaning comes in waves and when it crests I find myself surfing that wave of ecstasy. But the trough can be debilitating if I let it. I don’t have to believe my false narratives any longer. I’m blessed with the experiences I’ve endured.
As cliche as it sounds, it is all about attitude, as Viktor Frankl points out. Why are you thinking the way you are? My experiences have taught me to slow down, to pause, to wait. Slowing down, sourcing gratefulness, and not reacting has given me a new life. I hope you can find the same peace and focus.
