Apr 26, 2020
Coiffed
Her hair looks good. Glowing is how her friends will describe it. Excited to meet at Alister’s. The bar and patio are out of this world. The view today, blue sky, the ocean, the cars, the pretty people. Sit in the sun, sipping drinks, hell, drinking drinks! And catching up. Talking about Dave. And shit about Suzanne. And people watching.
She needs to get moving, it’s almost 4:15 and the first round is at 5:00. Lynn will get there early, she’s usually early. Thank God. It’s sunny, but there’s a chill. But she’s been exercising hard and knows her arms look tight. Which top to wear? Marsha is such a bitch, she’ll make a comment no matter what.
The BMW looks like crap. Dave is bitching about the spending. My spending. Not his spending. Give me a break. He doesn’t cut back on his trips with his buddies. And what can they do on those three day weekends that cost $2,000. Golf? Bullshit. Why can’t he keep the kids more often. Its always me. Giving in. Pleasing. And trying to make sense of the disorder. Living in dysfunction is the norm. The dysfunction of this life. Unease and pissed, the recipe for a buzz.
Jesus, a drink will be good. Margarita on a sunny day. Slipping into the car, time moving, and the kids in the rear view. Matchbox 20, that’s been a while.
Deserving and earned. You’re damn right it’s time to see some friends. He’s selfish and arrogant. The arrogance is new. It’s ugly and distasteful. All because he’s a vice president and got a raise. How did my husband turn into this man? This man I don’t know. Or like. Teri is messing around on Jake. She’s open about it. And it doesn’t seem to matter. Who cares anyway. Can’t we move into a different house?
How can we be broke if he makes $265,000. It doesn’t make any sense. Something’s got to give. And the its not me. It’s always me. And the therapist even says so. And I need to get my freaking xanax refilled asap.
8 more minutes if traffic is light. Turning left on Sunvine is fastest. Lynn can go ahead and order my margarita.
So the wheel turns, the music plays, a few chairs are empty but the music won’t last forever. Anger rising, self doubt building, fear glowing, and no solution to the present.
