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Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Shamed by insecurities, I strive for your affirmation

Your adoration, my real savior

Pacifying my fears, quelling the anxiety

Feeling your needs, filling my void

Mutual philosophic congruence, aligned corners of stability

Harmonious dissonance, confirming bilateral gratification

Tricks for adults, reverberating neediness

Accepting humanness, laughing at self

Acknowledging, it's alright, it's ok, I’m doing the best I can

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Photo by Derek Story on Unsplash

Unsure of the prospect, confusion served

Delivered the confounding, bewildered from the juices

Rushing to fix, no problems exist

This settled silence, deafening in it glorious newness

She hides, I seek, the game becoming life

Soul shined madness, clawing its way through the duodenum

Cauldron boiling brim, fire and ice

Entice, this fight of wonder

Unknown knowing, mass misunderstanding

Curiously intriguing, I simply do not know

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Photo by Jeswin Thomas on Unsplash

Curiosity is the soul’s nourishment, enlightened through wonder

Shame, beautiful debilitating experiential growth

Capacity for truth, courageous self-assessment

Love being nonbinary, multi-liminal layering of dimensions

Encountering reality, sensing ego’s operating system

Driving expansion of self, diminishment of sameness

Stripping abundance of material self, begging for comprehension of other

Your needs, my wants, giving unto others, uncommon nature unwinding

Divisions merging as a result of awe, bewildering questioning of truth

Demons running amok, self helpless and unbound

Conquering reacting, pausing and slowing, the clearing obvious

Heart-felt gratitude, momentary astonishment, opening for more

Learning, experiencing, stripping, releasing, letting go, and gaining eternal

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Photo by Joshua J. Cotten on Unsplash

Hummingbird butterfly, anonymous perfection

Signaling the song, the love of nature’s own

Clarity of thought, scrambled by the vision

Radiance of soul, courageous and determined

Making her way, the only way, forward

Surrounded by the thought, nothingness left behind

Driving for betterment, the work, the dirty work

Building a future, of faith and love, giving all to all

Not only those she loves, but the ones she doesn’t as well

Giving the best, her love the deliverance

Stepping into the fears, walking through fire

Toil and anxieties, passing behind

Emerging darkness, merging light of shining futures

Songs of simplicity the melody of choice

Unknown territory, these feelings

Ship with no rudder, enjoying the frivolity of lost

Wondering aloud, this journey, welcome with open arms

Prepared for all, expecting nothing, and leaving hope in its place

But doing the work, making the effort, and waiting to see the path unfold

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Photo by Rachael Gorjestani on Unsplash

Searching for the guru, she arrived in disguise

No wisdom or peace to propose, only pain and punishment

My life, twisting before me, personification of emotional lies

Pounded with silence, delivering a gut punch, face in the pavement

Shame spiral, my old friend, handing out the lessons I despise

Begging for blasting, bring on the hate, a lull in the relationship

Pleading for commotion, any commentary will do, unsettling unknown

The guru is delivering the lesson plan, just in time for my awareness

Questioning sanity, the typical feeling, stewing in mistake soup

In an instant, deliverance arrives

Subliminal podcast, broadcasting the obvious, humility startling

The mistakes continue, the learning accelerates

And everyday I give thanks in grateful heaps for the grace and wisdom being delivered by those who don’t know they sent the package

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Photo by Isis França on Unsplash

A nap a day keeps the dullness away

The anxious ego, the operating system

Monotone thoughtless drone, drifting

A widget there, a widget there, uninspired

Unable to process, the dullness extending

Thoughts like old milk, proposing useless postulates

Purging illogical logic in hopes of production

Creativity, born of water and rest, certainly less stress

Brain cavities come from sleeplessness

From stress, anxiousness, excess work and no rest

And from the busy body busyness comes partial creativity

Lacking full production levels

Mistakes, anger, and derision

Bud lights, cigarettes, and sleeping pills, all exacerbating no rest

No rest, no jest, causes emotional…

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Photo by NASA on Unsplash

The end comes slowly, then with a bang

The epiphany hits, masquerading as resentment

The unwinding, digging the grave by hand

Slowly, confusingly, the pathway matures

Disorientation remains, but the heart feels the real

Clarity comes after the disturbance, the raging typhoons

Reality comes with time, then intuitively knowing the truth

Stepping with caution, second guessing by nature

Giving in to the Spirit, the path being woven

Processing the finality, acknowledging the transition

Emotional health requires deep work, peeling the layers of the past

Letting go to fly free, bondage of history expunged

Stepping into the void, with trust and fear

Courageous movement towards unknown, excitement building

Trust yielding conclusion, the final patterns forming

The unwind begins, the final phase

The release

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Lit mountain top, shredded madness

Sound apocalypse for the uninitiated, fear

Astonishing speed, sonic Humbucker harmonies

Distorted vision, through auditory pummeling

Megasonic, melodic, and truly super sonic

Modulating sound, bone buzzing intrigue

Phaser pedal mastery, leaving us astonished

The world turned, DLR and EVH, bombastic duo

Party Honda evolution, synchronistic symmetric sound

Altered for life, the furious pace, Brown Sound born

Forever changed, integrated soul, RIP EVH

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Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

Her nature is driving to attainment. And attainment brings the success she wants to achieve. Achievement brings the envied material trappings. Those expected by her peers. The items she’s told equate to success. Status. And, of course, happiness. The wealth, the shoes, and bags, those are the first place trophies of adulthood. Instagram tagged verifications.

Shining sun, cloudless sky, and outfits galore. They pale in the darkness of her soul. The emptiness, undefined feelings, clawing at the cookie jar for crumbs. Any relief to the anxiousness. The only option, paint on the face, the jewels, and stuff the emotions into the place she won’t explore. …

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Photo by Martin Adams on Unsplash

The burn, that drive to feel the extreme, consuming me

The potion, delivered just right, oxytocin and naivety, overtaking me

The feel, a blessed brew of hormonal joy, warming me

The fallout, a chain reaction of emotions, destabilizing me

And the learning begins, pondering the decisions, emotions

Second guessing, and wonder aloud, decisions right or wrong

Impatience personified, make it end, this primordial waiting in Purgatory

Spiritual connection nebulous, happiness vacuum afar, pulling me off

Clover petals drawn and blackened, blistered in the sun of her heart

Diminished again, relapse without booze, emotions tarnished and hostile

Hoarding my indulgence for the gluttony, the artery bursting from pressures…


Shaler Houser

Co-founder and CEO of youturn. Former CEO of Green Cloud Technologies, UCI Communications, Nuvox Communications, & Seruus Ventures @shalerhouser

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